Here I go again, falling into the same trap I did before.

I don't know what it is about him, but I can't help but hope that he's not a complete douche, even though he constantly proves that he is.

And even through all of this, he makes me smile, and I find myself wondering why he feels the need to hide behind this macho facade.

Before I know, I'm back where I started, puzzling over the things he says and does, and in the back of my mind I know I'm wasting my time.

Because he hasn't changed. He's still that oblivious egotistical guy from before.

Shaking my head -_-.

It's still Yours

You're perfect. Sweet, funny, adorable, understanding, supportive, and one of the only people that I can be really honest with.

Ad every once in a while, I remember what we had, before it got painful in the end, and I miss it. And I wonder, will we get that back one day? What we had?

And I kind of start thinking, it wouldn't be bad if we tried again.

But then I realize; someone else has your heart.

Someone who uses you, rewards you, then forgets about you.

And I can tell you over and over that you deserve better, but I can't do anything about the fact you keep going back to her.

I guess that's what brings me back to reality, knowing that you love her, and she has a hold on you that I can't compete with, even if I wanted to.

I don't why that hurts, but it does.

Maybe because deep down, I know that you still have my heart.

I've realized something.
I have this habit of wanting to save people.
To be the person that helps them make this huge transformation that changes their life. That makes them realize something they were in denial about.
I do this with everybody. Family, friends, love interests.
In fact, I remember being in love (or thinking I was in love) with this guy that was the biggest douche I had ever met, but I was convinced that not only was he someone completely different, but that I was gonna be the one to show everyone, even himself, this person.
So I ask myself, does this even happen in real life? This dramatic epiphany that saves you? Because it seems to me like I'm living a cliche romance flick, like 'He's just not That into you', waiting for a guy to be the one to have this revelation that I'm the girl of his dreams, that I've been right about him all along.
Is it just me?
I really hope not.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Stuff I've learned so far

1. Never say never because anything is possible.
2. All decisions are hard.
3. Never ever regret anything.
4.Love doesn't last forever when you're young.
5. Dealing with idiots is an art.
6.University of Rochester is perfect.
7. You can't be friends with a guy you really like.
8. There's no such thing as getting tired of pizza.
9. Nothing is ever that bad.
10. My life is NOT a show.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

The beginning

So I'm sitting here, wondering what it is I should write about, and then I remember why it is I actually took the time to make this blog.
It's because I need to find myself. And what better way to to do that then write? That's really the only way I know how.
I've spent so much time being consumed in all the little things of my life that I've forgotten about everything else.
So now is the time to tell myself:no, my life is not a show. It's not that dramatic.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4